3rd time

THIS IS YESTERDAY'S STORY

Yesterday was special. I will remember the date, February 2, 2016. The deadline of YFR and for several times I failed. I missed the deadline. The first time, I wasn't strong enough to believe in my self. I lost to myself. Second time, I merely didn't intend to apply cos I thought I will have final project when the program held. I didn't think about other options I might have. Yesterday, the third time, when I thought I was ready enough, but (maybe) God said no, I miscalculate the plan and it ended up missing the deadline. I called the office yesterday, asking whether the document I need arrives. It's not yet.

Yesterday I learned one of the bad sides of human. I found a friend of mine had had the same problem as mine, I was sorry for him. But in the end I saw him writing a letter and he said it was for YFR. I wondered why he did that. What I know is he missed the deadline the same as me. But he said he is fine, he had his certificate and submitted his documents to apply one day before. It's sorry when you know your friend failed but it's "poor you are" knowing you failed and your friend you think will accompany you passed. And guys, it's okay if you feel that way but be careful, it's dangerous because it triggers jealousy and jealousy can invite something worse.

It was hurt accepting reality that I must failed for the third time. I couldn't hold it although I said "good luck". My father said to me several days before that everyone has their own parts in certain portions, that I did miscalculate by no means, that I did what I can, God must have better plan. It's time to learn about sincerity.

When you fail, when you miss something, think that maybe it's not yours this time, maybe you didn't prepare enough that others deserve it more than you, maybe your relationship with God is weakening, and believe there must be something better for you that God didn't let you to get it this time. It's just like a coin, always has two sides, you are free to choose how to react to the failure. Good if we can be sincere. It's hard to be sincere but it is worth it in the end.